prokopetz:

reservoircat:

prokopetz:

wherehipposdrome:

prokopetz:

You ever wonder how the modern image of vampires would differ if Bram Stoker had randomly picked a completely different noble rank for Dracula?

Baron Dracula?

Viscount Dracula?

Marquis Dracula?

Or, how about anglicizing it into Earl Dracula? Fun fact: the abundance of evil counts in Gothic literature is 100% due to the foreignness of the title, because aristocracy is fine only as long as it’s our aristocracy. All foreign nobles are by definition decadent, degenerate, dissolute, and various other words starting with the letter d.

I’m sorry, but when I saw the phrase “Earl Dracula”, I had a sudden, vivid mental image of an AU where the Count gets staked, his curse gets automatically passed down the bloodline agnatic-style, and it turns out that the last scion of the house of Dracul is a NASCAR-watching, plaid-flannel-wearing good ol’ boy, who suddenly finds himself appointed the new Lord of Darkness.

See but this gives me an excellent mental picture of a musical montage of a Buffy-expy character hunting him down to the Dixie Chick’s seminal classic “Goodbye Earl”, and that is just wonderful.

Hell, if you’re gonna go that route, why not lift the plot from the song wholesale? The vampire hunter is the newly dubbed Count Earl’s ex-wife, and she teams up with her old highschool friend to take him down - just a couple of thirtysomething Southern gals against the vampire menace.

(For bonus points, have them hook up at the end like the song implies - everything’s better with lesbians, right?)